Who are we talking about?
If one party in the relationship has a so-called "bully/teasing personality trait", i.e. is suddenly angry, aggressive (either verbally or physically), disputes can easily push either party from a minor, insignificant starting point to a psychological and/or economic crisis: the party suffering the aggression, leaving the aggressor in doubt and at a loss as to whether he or she is really the person his or her partner makes him or her out to be, but also the aggressor himself or herself, as his or her emotions do not allow for rational decision-making.
These conflicts do not benefit either party. If disagreements and conflicts cannot be discussed calmly, it is worth considering going their separate ways in the future for their own good.
Since the teasing personality type is often associated with narcissism, psychopathy (limited or complete inability to empathise), such a person finds it very difficult to accept the breakup, so the already temperamental person can very easily lash out at the idea of separation, either at the trial or in a preliminary meeting, which takes place between themselves or typically in front of lawyers.
Divorce is in itself very emotionally demanding, even if it involves two parties capable of compromise and willing to collaborate, preferring a peaceful path: this process, painful for all parties but essential for future happiness, is made even more difficult by the out-of-control, unbalanced behaviour of one of the partners. Delays the progress of the case, increases the lawyer's fees, makes it difficult to achieve the best outcome for both parties.
Not to mention the unforeseeable danger this can pose to their children: seeing their parents acting out, fighting aggressively and loudly can easily traumatise them, and can affect their entire later lives as well.
The law does not like it either
In principle, the Civil Code also encourages the amicable settlement of divorces. If the parties have resolved all the critical issues and come to the court with a solution covering all the essential points, the judge will, after considering the circumstances, dissolve the marriage on the basis of the agreement between them, if the agreement does not conflict with the law, on the basis of the request for dissolution. This saves the parties a great deal of time, effort and money, both for themselves and for the state!
What should we do?
In order to reduce the negative effects of so-called „teasing divorce”:
- If the relationship is in crisis, but the couple decides that there is a chance to repair it, and they would like to do so, a family therapist, relationship counseling psychologist can help.
- However, when it comes to divorce, the role of the attorney is crucial: it is important to choose an attorney who is experienced in the field and can handle conflict situations calmly but firmly.
- Ideally, before filing a petition for divorce, the parties should clarify and then agree on how the divorce will be conducted, any issues concerning children (access, maintenance, alimony) and the division of property. An experienced attorney can be very helpful in this respect, in order to draw up an agreement that is acceptable to all parties, in the light of the law.
- Arguments at the lawyer’s office and in court should be kept to a minimum. At the lawyer's, try to reach an agreement, as any dispute will only increase the lawyer's fee, not the chance of a more favourable outcome.
- In court, if the parties have children, it is essential that neither party shows aggressive or upset behaviour when deciding on the conditions of childcare and contact, because if the judge considers that one of the parties does not ensure the emotional and physical upbringing of the child, he or she may restrict or completely deprive the parent who is unable to control his or her own behaviour of the right of contact.
Summary
It is therefore important to warn the abusive party of the dangers of his or her behaviour: neither a delay in the proceedings nor higher than necessary costs of proceedings can be in the interest of either party.
The offending person may not be aware of the consequences of their actions, but he/she has a moral and legal duty to consider the best interests of the child, and in this context, in the spirit of healthy psychological development, to spare the minor from conflicts between parents (see our previous article).
If you have any further questions, or if you wish to dissolve your marriage by mutual agreement, or if you need representation in a child custody case, please feel free to contact us!
